When Starting Again

that I have done it before is not proof

that I can do it again.

I took it for a given that
the acts that are most part of us
are what bring the most fear.

I'd use this to talk myself down:
who wouldn't be scared to move
from draft to finished
from idea to form?

but people started tucking their chins in when I confess I'm just so nervous
their heads tilted slightly, their slight step back.
not what we'd expect or want-
and I, similar stunned, when my artists friends crooned
ooh, I just wish I could just be paaiiinting alll daay

I'm left to feel that this is not a common space I've found
stunted at my own work, cycling through gracious and smug and frankly terrified
each time, feeling like that I have done it before is not proof
that I can do it again.
But enough times now that I can peel away to feel
some assurance that this is how I know I'll feel.