MERMAIDS IN THE BASEMENT

after Carolyn Kizer and Emily Dickinson

300 miles from the sea

in this town I’m out of place –

a mermaid of crashing oceans,

a mermaid of the mountains,

a mermaid of rain on city streets

and a busy lake mermaid.

I have alternated.

there are other kinds out east –

mermaids in the fog across the wheatfields,

mermaids in the river winding through town,

mermaids in the waterfall behind the convention center,

mermaids in the basement of my shotgun house,

mermaids whistling from the teapot,

mermaids coming out of the faucet

and going into the garbage disposal,

mermaids coming out of their mother’s wombs

into the bath, into my hands, into a broken down

house with a pitbull out front and a kitten inside

gnawing on the edge a McDonalds cup,

mermaids in a brand new hot tub where I go

to soak my body when it aches from changing.

Bird Dog

you are you. And I am me.
And I am not you. And you are not me.
But there are ways in which you and i. me and you, become something new
altogether.
An entity birthed from
our hopes and griefs and bodies and
blood and orgasms and
moments of looking in to each others eyes' and the 9" between our faces when we
stand in front of each other and the
birthmarks we wear
and the gaps in your teeth ans the moments of
painful silence and the mornings where
I can not believe how good it feels to
lay next to you and your pet names for
me and the voices, songs, and meals
which take new meaning when shared
with you. An egg has never felt less like
an egg than every time we sit down to breakfast.
You, are you. And I, am me.
And I am not you.
And you are not me.
But life takes up purpose as those singular
definitions fade and gray. As
the rhythm of a new heartbeat rises
through the chorus. Melodic and sweet,
it harmonizes.

When Starting Again

that I have done it before is not proof

that I can do it again.

I took it for a given that
the acts that are most part of us
are what bring the most fear.

I'd use this to talk myself down:
who wouldn't be scared to move
from draft to finished
from idea to form?

but people started tucking their chins in when I confess I'm just so nervous
their heads tilted slightly, their slight step back.
not what we'd expect or want-
and I, similar stunned, when my artists friends crooned
ooh, I just wish I could just be paaiiinting alll daay

I'm left to feel that this is not a common space I've found
stunted at my own work, cycling through gracious and smug and frankly terrified
each time, feeling like that I have done it before is not proof
that I can do it again.
But enough times now that I can peel away to feel
some assurance that this is how I know I'll feel.

The thunder

in oaxaca 

the thunder comes down from on high

and finds us in our

matrimonial bed

putter

steady heady hum drum dum bones dum beat dum bell some hell some hum somewhere
some loss somewhere sometime back there backbeat back street back bay black day
black love black heart little bust shitty bus sitting tough standing tough tough tough tough tough
tough tough tough tough suck it up fuck it up suck it up fuck it up suck it up fuck it up suck it up fuck it up
so tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough
tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough tough
tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut TUT
tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut tut TUT
stick it out suck it up heat the beat fall asleep lose your feet lose your mind lose your heart lose the rhyme
lose the beat lose some sleep rub your feet and call a friend or maybe have something nice like some yogurt or a honey stick or something

Youtube

Satellite mid-internet, mall-burden, woods.

Friday night's stuffed-pepper forgotten, likely, in the future.

Garbage rolling monsters in the night when I was 14 also, now.

Snare Sample

The tool, trade, the stock sample, mine,

my sole stock.

Revise what I do? Me?

I am what you pay for,

here's what I did,

it's perfect, finished,

handed back.

It's perfect,

I'm in Hawaii,

no recalls,

it's perfect,

you chose well,

it's what you wanted,

it's finished?

So perfect.

Candy Crushing

i dream of crushing candy
i hate crushing candy
i love crushing candy
i can't stop crushing candy
i will stop crushing candy
i'm addicted to crushing candy
i close my eyes
and see my candy crushing

8

a 4.3gb photo of the andromeda galaxy

ENDLESSLY

 
Re-read the messages to give myself

a sacred feeling

map new ones on paper

different that way

like Molly in church

through the doors at dusk

out the doors at dark

the city is

itself today