talk

can we talk?
is it the breakup talk?
is it the let's get more serious talk?
the what is this thing talk?
the what are we doing talk?
the you hurt my feelings now apologize talk?
the i'm just so scared cause i like you so much talk?
maybe we just won't talk.

Lasagna Nights

we spent our nights
in the kitchen
as i taught you my lasagna technique
we'd cook meat because that's how you liked it
we'd cook kale because that's how i liked it
you're not here now
so i cooked alone
a meatless lasagna
with kale insides

night sledding

night sledding in the park
meet by the arch
tromp through the packed down snow
adults line the hill
broken sleds and garbage pail lids scattered at the top
soggy cardboard boxes and rubbermaid covers discarded
his first run down the hill
dodging trees
slams his back into the dried up fountain
her first run down
spinning out of control
slams her leg into a fence post
the pains, the aches
don't stop them
as they climb back up to the top
and slide back down again

the disappearing act

where do you disappear to?
don't call
don't write
then she hears your voice
can we put this off until later?
but later never comes

snow days were the worst days

younger me
never liked snow days
both parents went to work
left the kids with the old sitter
watching game shows
all day long
sitting on the stiff carpet
bums going numb
afraid to sit on the long brown couch
every man for himself
we learned when she took out her wooden spoon
after a poop that i didn't flush because i thought i wasn't supposed to
not knowing the mellow rule only applied to pee
the other boy was blamed
and got a whooping
as i watched
silent

memories of men

my cat snuggles up next to me on the couch
slowly closing her eyes
deep purrs turn into snores
reminding me of all the men
who were once
here
sleeping beside me

date night

our special late night
friday night
date night
your first time with korean food
we yawned through it
both eager to get to bed
a warm shower then
you fell asleep
against me
while i wrote a poem about pooping my pants
wondering if you'd notice
if your eyes were really closed

Shit Pants

it's a big day
lots of plans after work
go for a run and stretch
on your way to the bathroom
shit your pants

it's a big day today so
throw out those panties
and zip up your jeans
don't cancel those plans

heat poem #2

hands feel cut up and scratched
rough like sandpaper
it's just the winter
the cold outside
the cold office
the cold home
the space heater is on
drying out the air
the humidifier is on
but still not moist enough
not warm enough
slip under the sheets and blankets
toes greeted by crisp cold sheets
hoping the body warms them

a mash of skin
and muscle
smooshing and stabbing
elbows digging in
your mouth hangs open
a gasp of breath
drool escapes your mouth
the pain nearly unbearable but
if you let it happen now
it will feel so much better after
she knows all the places to touch
and it works
and she knows it

heat?

tell me when the heat comes on
then i'll go down to one pair of pants
i'll hang up my hat and vest
until the heat comes on
i'll be hiding under this blanket
with a shivering cat resting on my chest

love and pearl jam

i have one party trick
i can sing like Eddie Vedder
and everyone turns and looks
shocked
when they see the gender lines being crossed
that growling sound is coming from a woman
and then there's him
moving right up to the front
standing there smiling
and cheering me on
as my voice moans and cracks
the moment when i knew

College Days

we saw each other every day
seven years ago
communal meals
and lots of beer
inventing games
and laughing so hard you pee your pants
and it was like we never went our separate ways
like college never ended
we played the same games
the one where you pretend to be my hands
and shove multiple tiny cupcakes into my mouth
my face covered in frosting
and I try not to choke or spit them out
yelling "I just love cupcakes so much!"
remembering what if feels like
laughing so hard
in a bar
having only one drink
because you don't need anything more
when you're among friends

the Bus station

Three day weekend
Staying out late
Singing karaoke
Early rise
Sex and showers
The bus gets in early but there's a transfer in a hour
There's no worse place to spend a hour
Than a bus station
A man lectures a teenager about the bad choices he made that got him stuck here then pats an employee on the back as he wipes windex on a display case
Everyone is grunting and sighing
And farting next to me

A holiday party
Late
For what holiday?
Skipped
For shopping
And Chinatown

i ask a gauging question
but you all stare down at the table
in silence
i say
i don't know how to interpret that
you all smile
the one who reassures me
is then the one most confused
seconds later
adults discuss literature
and a rolling stone article
ending in titty chips
oh, and i missed the premiere of that great show
because i'm going to bed 15 minutes before
it airs
saddened but
too tired to care

welcome to the 30s.

nights filled with sex and the city
now that you're old enough
and stopped wondering if sex in the city was a better name for it
you sip your wine
crying intermittently
because
you're finally in the age bracket
where you can identify with the characters
and it's a little too real
you lie in bed with your black macbook on your lap
and spot what appears to be your first long gray hair
you would think it was just part of your blonde streak
but there's this thing with gray hairs
and the texture's just a little too different

love farts

true intimacy
not about saying
love you babe
just being comfortable enough to fart
in your presence
and maybe giggle about it

i read in an article
that cuddling releases endorphines
so people get paid to do it
on thursday we cuddled in the morning
said we'd leave at 7:30
but when the time came
we were still in bed
and you were late to work
3 more days have passed
and i miss you in my bed
and all my endorphines
are trapped

sunny outside
but no one is fooled
it's cold outside
so you stay inside
all day long
and time passes by
too quickly
when you woke up at 9
and had all these plans
and tasks to complete today
even started to get dressed
but instead did nothing
and now it's almost time for bed